Got finished butchering the respectable

After they got finished butchering the Authentic Chanel Bags respectable pursuit of badminton, the ladies started their spa treatments. They drank a little berry drink, they tried to rip each others’ towels off, Kim pretended to masturbate in front of everyone. For once, I actually agree with Taylor – Kim seems to have traded in drunk wacky for regular ol’ wacky, which I guess isn’t the worst thing in the world. She certainly spends less time in the bathroom now. On the other hand, some of her wacky seems to have started to rub off on everyone else, at least during this trip. A little bit of poolside grab-ass turned into a full-on towel and water fight in the sauna, and the fact that I don’t see a single nipple pop out tells you a lot about the differences between the Beverly Hills wives and those in Miami.

After dinner, most of the cast kept drinking while Yolanda and Kim both excused themselves to go to bed and avoid the booze. It seemed as though everyone else waved goodbye to them and decided, “Great, more for me,” because eventually the entire group was drunk enough that Taylor and Brandi ended up on the ground, arm-wrestling. But before that, there was a kiss. And then they wrestled, and someone’s mic pack fell out. So basically, the entire thing confirmed every slumber party stereotype that any teenage boy has ever had, except instead of sorority girls, these were MILFs.

While they ate, they talked about childbirth and baby lamb cells and god knows what else, but they all got along the entire time. Even Brandi and Taylor sat next to each other, and they were laughing and clinking glasses like brand new besties. It was…unsettling. I don’t know how to conceptualize happy, functional Housewives.

And then, because no one can ever leave well enough alone, Kyle brought up the fight in the limo on the way home. In the limo on the way home! We were so close to a flawless Housewives victory! Kyle tentatively apologized for jumping down her throat, but that just tipped off some bickering between Brandi and Adrienne, who continued to insist that she was just concerned for Kim’s wellbeing and trying to find out what was wrong. The footage tells a different story, of course – Adrienne didn’t make any effort either during or after the fight to find out what was wrong with Kim. So either Adrienne was so completely taken aback by the use of the f-word by an adult woman that she couldn’t continue feeling concerned for her friend, or she was just trying to stir the pot in the first place and never actually cared why the chick at the end of the Chanel Small Cross Body Bag